What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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