I wish I could teleport
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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