we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
