So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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