I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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