when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
