Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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