you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
