i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
