i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I supernannyed him into submission
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
