oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
