I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
