we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
