I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
