She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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