I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
