I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
