I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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