I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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