just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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