Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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