that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize