I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
