She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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