home. puking in laundry basket.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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