Apparently you make a good broom.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
