now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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