I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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