anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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