I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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