dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
