No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
