My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
