i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
