I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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