Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Randomize
