doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
