So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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