the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
