Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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