She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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