He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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