Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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