I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize