You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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