dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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