I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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