..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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