I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
