We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
