yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
