Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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