Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize