I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
