And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
