belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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