I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
