Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
