Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
