To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
