you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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