Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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