Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
