Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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