I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
