hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
