U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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