Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize